being an academic?

Since, I am going to drop my high flying career soon,(I think my colleagues also gave up on me, but I am not that thick faced to enjoy this awkward situation either) I am now doing quite a research on an academician, as a life style(Rehn 2006)

Even though he claimed in his book that you don't expect to get the quality of work you think you should out of your ph. D work, I am very skeptical about my capacity as a scholar. I would like to be one, that is for certain.

I do not have an enough foundation for pursuing an academic goal, it is rather shame that after hitting big by my experience in a corporate life, I am trying to get back to where my parents always tell me to do. However I don't think that proved anything. I was not a good fit, that was all.

I am also worried that if I would be too old when I finish the degree, it would be a long way to go, but the anticipation is high. Maybe I am living in a fantasy world I created, I cannot say.

As a self help industry might say, don't talk about becoming a one, be the one.

Wow.. I cannot believe what I just wrote. But seriously I am now really done with being miserable.